Where’s the Mud: Building Your Nest
I can not count how many times I was accused of nesting while I was pregnant.
Every time I would rearrange furniture, buy a decor item, or clean I would hear that little word, “nesting”. I mean, deciding to paint the entire inside of my house at 8 months pregnant with my first baby was completely normal. Or when I was pregnant with my second, I was 8 1/2 months pregnant holding a nail gun and putting up trim in the master bedroom. My husband actually had the nerve to tell me I was “extreme nesting.” Excuse me this is completely normal, I am just getting things done, my hormones are not controlling me. Then with my third baby, I was on my hands and knees in the kitchen, 9 months pregnant, scrubbing the grout of my tile for hours. My two little girls came up to me and said, “ mama what are you doing?” “ Mama, the tile is clean.” “Come play.” and I sat there and hugged them. Breathing them in, with tears in my eyes and laughing, realizing that yes, I was nesting. My hormones were controlling me and it was completely normal. Nesting is an important part of a woman's journey through motherhood and while I did build my nest with each pregnancy, gathering my twigs of clean kitchen grout, sticks of master bedroom trim, and twine of a freshly painted house, I have realized looking back at my journey that my nest what filled with giant holes at points, especially after having my second child. I was missing the mud. The support for all my twigs, sticks and twine.
One of the most powerful tools you can have during pregnancy is a strong support system. Whether it is your first pregnancy or your thirteenth ( yes, I have met a mom with 13 kids), building a network of support can make the entire experience healthier, more informed, and far less stressful.
Let’s explore how to build a strong nest by first understanding why it's important and then what steps to take to make sure your nest does not have holes. This is the vulnerable part about nesting, things can get a little dirty and well, muddy while searching for the right people to support you.
Pregnancy is not just a physical experience, it’s an emotional roller coaster. Hormonal shifts, changing relationships, body image concerns, medical decisions, and preparation for a new baby, all converge to create a unique and sometimes overwhelming time. However, having a strong social support system during pregnancy can lower levels of anxiety and depression, reduce risk of preterm labor, lead to better outcomes during childbirth, and higher rates of breastfeeding and postpartum recovery. Having people in your support system doesn't mean they will magically solve your problems. The people that you pick are ones that will walk through problems with you, offer empathy, guidance, and practical help when needed.
Start with your inner circle
Begin identifying the people you already trust. These are the ones you’d call with exciting news or lean on in hard times. Share your pregnancy with them early, if you're comfortable, and explain what kind of support would help you most. Be honest about your needs. Some friends may want to help but don’t know how. Say things like, “I’d love it if we could just talk once a week” or “Would you mind coming to an appointment with me?”
Key People in Your Core Support Circle Might Include:
Partner or spouse: This person will likely be your go-to for daily emotional support, attending doctor visits, helping with decisions, and preparing for labor and parenting.
Parents and siblings: They can offer advice (sometimes unsolicited!), share stories, or help with childcare if you already have kids.
Close friends: Especially those who have been pregnant, friends can be a source of real-life insights and emotional validation.
Build a medical support team that you trust.
One of the most critical type of mud for your nest is your healthcare provider. Whether you’re seeing a midwife or OB-GYN, having a professional who listens to your concerns and respects your birth preferences is key. Don’t hesitate to switch providers if something doesn’t feel right. You deserve a team that respects your body, your voice, and your vision for birth.
Your Pregnancy Medical Team Might Include:
OB-GYN or midwife: The primary medical guide through your pregnancy journey.
Doula: A non-medical birth coach who provides emotional, educational, and sometimes physical support before, during, and after labor.
Support Wellness: Massage therapist, Acupuncturist, Chiropractor. These wellness professionals are the magic triad in prenatal and postpartum health.
Therapist or counselor: Especially helpful if you have anxiety, depression, trauma, or just need to process big emotions during pregnancy.
Nutritionist or prenatal fitness expert: For guidance on healthy eating and exercise routines that support you and your growing baby.
Connect with other pregnant women.
There’s nothing like talking to someone who gets it. Other pregnant women, whether they’re due in a few weeks or a few months, can offer camaraderie, humor, reassurance, and shared experience. If you’re feeling lonely or isolated, reach out. Most likely, someone else is feeling the same way and would love the connection.
Ways to Connect With Other Expecting Moms:
Prenatal classes: Sign up for childbirth education, breastfeeding workshops, or prenatal yoga.
Online forums or apps: Join Facebook groups, Reddit communities, or pregnancy apps like Peanut or What to Expect to find moms with the same due date.
Local pregnancy support groups: Many hospitals, community centers, and birthing centers offer regular meetups.
Now that your support system is in place, it is vital to start using your system and let your nest support you. This is the step I missed after having my second baby, I spiraled into a postpartum depression and never reached out. I was ashamed of how I felt and after a while I just accepted how I felt as my new normal. It wasn’t until I became pregnant with my third that the veil of my depression lifted. I was watching a comedy and started truly belly laughing. The sound was eerie and foreign and I realized I had not laughed in three whole years! It was such a shock, I had been depressed and had not really known. I just passed everything off as normal motherhood exhaustion. At that moment, I made the goal for the rest of my pregnancy to create a support system. I found a midwife I trusted, a chiropractor, acupuncturist, and massage therapist. I started seeing them all regularly during my pregnancy and up until a year postpartum. I surrounded myself with friends and got vulnerable. I told them about my postpartum depression and asked for their help. This is the hardest part about building your nest. After packing all the twigs, sticks and twine with mud, you have to trust it. Trust the nest you built and call upon it to support you and your baby.
Delegate and accept help.
Many pregnant women feel the pressure to do it all; work, cook, clean, prep for baby, and manage other kids. But one of the best gifts you can give yourself (and your baby) is to let go of perfection and TRUST your support team. Ask for help. People genuinely want to help, but they need direction. Keep a running list of small tasks so when someone says, “Let me know if you need anything,” you can actually take them up on it.
Tasks You Can Delegate:
Grocery shopping or meal prep
Cleaning or organizing the nursery
Attending appointments with you
Running errands
Watching older children
Prepare for the Postpartum Period.
Your support system shouldn’t vanish after birth, in fact, you’ll need it more than ever. Postpartum is a physically and emotionally intense time. Set up your network in advance so you’re not scrambling for help while sleep-deprived. Be proactive about mental health. Talk with your provider about postpartum depression risks and find a therapist ahead of time if needed.
Postpartum Support Might Include:
A meal train (friends and family sign up to bring meals)
A postpartum doula (to help with newborn care and recovery)
Family visits (with clear boundaries)
Virtual check-ins with friends
Lactation consultant support
Create a Safe Emotional Space
Sometimes, the most powerful support is simply being seen and heard. Pregnancy can bring up unexpected emotions: grief, body image issues, anxiety, even relationship strain. Your support system should include people you can be honest with—people who won’t dismiss your worries with “just be grateful.”
If that person isn't in your life yet, seek out a trained therapist or join a support group for expecting mothers. Having a space where you don’t need to censor yourself is incredibly freeing.
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
Building a pregnancy support system isn’t about having a perfect team, it’s about having people in your corner who care. Surrounding yourself with love, knowledge, and compassion can ease the burden of uncertainty and empower you to embrace the changes ahead.
Remember, you deserve to be supported. This journey may be about growing a new life, but it’s also about growing into a new version of yourself. And no one should do that without a village.
I, thankfully, did not experience postpartum depression after my third child was born. Everyone was checking in on me. Everyone made sure that I got to my postpartum midwife, chiropractor, acupuncture and massage appointments. Neighbors and friends brought meals and held the baby while I showered and got ready for the day. My nest was strong because of my vulnerability and my willingness to let people in and see my not so pretty truth. Through that, together, we made mud, the beautiful mud that made my last pregnancy so incredibly special.
